Executive Functioning: Why Do Things Take So Much Effort When You're Neurodivergent?

When you are neurodivergent, seemingly simple tasks aren’t so simple. 

Brushing your teeth. 

Showering. 

Making dinner. 

Putting away laundry. 

The list is endless. Have you ever found yourself trying to do one of these tasks or something similar but physically been unable to move from where you are sitting? Even though you know it needs to be done, it doesn’t give you the motivation or energy to get up and do it. You feel frozen and spend more time thinking about the task than it actually takes to do it. 

Then along comes that little voice in your head and you start saying all these horrible things about yourself. Next the guilt sets in. That sure isn’t improving your motivation to get things done. 

Clients and fellow neurodivergent folks often share their frustrations about not being able to consistently get tasks completed. In the US, we are rewarded and praised for productivity. There is an implicit message - If you aren’t getting things done it’s because you are lazy. For individuals who are neurodivergent, this couldn’t be further from the truth.

What is Executive Functioning? 

If you are neurodivergent, you likely have deficits in executive functioning. You may have heard this term before but wonder what it means. Let me give you a metaphor to help explain. Let’s consider a chef - heck I’d even consider a mom who is planning meals for her family in this situation! For those of us who are responsible for cooking for more than two people you know how challenging this can get! 

The chef is responsible for planning meals, gathering ingredients, following the recipe, managing multiple dishes, adapting to the dietary needs and preferences of each party, adjusting as needed, and serving the meal. And then there’s the clean up afterwards! 

So you may ask how does this explain executive functioning? Well just like the chef has to coordinate each of these tasks to make sure a delicious meal makes it to your table, executive functioning is responsible for making sure you are able to navigate a variety of daily activities and achieve your goals. Here’s a breakdown of the different aspects of executive functioning: 

• Planning: Creating a roadmap to reach a goal; breaking tasks into steps

• Task Initiation: The ability to simply start a task

• Working Memory & Attention: Holding information in mind and focusing on what's important

• Multitasking & Prioritizing: Managing multiple demands by deciding what's most important first

• Cognitive Flexibility & Problem Solving: Adapting your approach and finding solutions when things change

• Self-Monitoring: Observing and adjusting your own behavior and performance

• Task Completion: Finishing what you started; seeing tasks through to the end

How Come I Know What to Do But Just Can’t Do It? 

So let me give you a real life example and we will stick with the kitchen metaphor. This is honestly a common issue for many of my clients so you may relate. Let's say you make dinner but at the end of the meal you just don’t have the energy to do the dishes afterwards (problems with attention and task completion) so you leave everything in the sink. This happens for a couple of meals and you see the dishes piling up. 

You know the dishes need to be done but it’s a lot easier to binge a couple more episodes of your favorite show (or do whatever your current hyperfocus is at the moment - hence problems with planning and prioritizing). The idea of starting the dishes begins to feel like a monumental task and you procrastinate (difficulty with task initiation) doing it. Maybe you eat out or do a couple easy meals but before you know it you are completely out of forks or don’t have a clean pan you need to eat your next meal. 

Faced with the fact that you literally can’t wait any longer, you finally throw some things in the dishwasher. You get started and 15 minutes later the dishwasher is full and the sink is empty. You think to yourself, “Why did I wait so long?”. I always make things a much bigger deal than they need to be and if I would just do the thing it wouldn’t be so bad (difficulty with self-monitoring). 

Does Executive Functioning Only Impact Daily Tasks? 

So now that you have a couple of examples of what executive dysfunction looks like in daily life, you may be thinking to yourself “This is my whole life! It happens all the time!” Yes you’re right. The problem when you’re neurodivergent is this just doesn’t happen with one task. It happens with all kinds of tasks. 

It’s frustrating because things often pile up and you get behind on things which at the surface seem simple. Sometimes things take longer or you have to redo them which puts you further behind. You get down on yourself which makes it even harder to start tasks. It’s a cycle that just continues and honestly gets worse if you don’t do anything to change. 

To add fuel to the fire, executive dysfunction does not just impact daily tasks. It impacts other areas too - work, relationships, financial health, mental health. Many neurodivergent folks also have other mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, or PTSD. Basically if you are neurodivergent and not getting

for the way your brain works, you will find yourself in a cycle of frustration and overwhelm, missed opportunities, and chronic challenges that will impact your mental health.

What Can I Do About Executive Functioning Challenges? 

Similarly to knowing we need to know the dishes need to be done, sometimes we know that we need to implement strategies to help ourselves. The problem for neurodivergent individuals is that challenges with executive functioning make it difficult to consistently use strategies without additional support. Having someone to help us understand how our brain works, manage our emotional reactions to difficult situations, and problem solve obstacles to implementing these techniques is crucial to being successful. 

At GBHC, we know that neurodiversity inherently means your brain is unique. So your needs are unique too. It’s not a one size fits all approach. At GBHC, we specialize in providing neurodivergent affirming care for both teens and adults. We can help you understand how your brain works and develop skills to move you from a place of confusion and overwhelm to one of understanding, acceptance, and empowerment.

Our therapists specialize in supporting you to overcome the difficulties with executive functioning so you can thrive in your own unique way. If you’ve been considering therapy or an evaluation, ask yourself a question: What's the worst that could happen if I make that call, versus what's the best that could happen if I don't?So if you are ready, either call/text us at 314-325-2685 or fill out our contact form to talk with us about how we can help support you in your journey!