Brain on Fire: Why Your Forming Habits with ADHD Feels Hard (and Why It’s Not Your Fault)

Today, I want to talk about something incredibly common yet often frustrating: building habits. 

If you've ever tried to implement a new routine—eating healthier, working out regularly, or limiting social media—only to quit shortly after and be left feeling inadequate, frustrated, and hopeless, you're not alone. I can’t tell you how many times I tried to implement a new habit only to find myself giving up after trying for a short time. This cycle left me feeling inadequate, frustrated, and hopeless to make any real changes.

For us neurodivergent (ND) folks (especially ADHDers), the story goes a little something like this:

• The Big Idea: "I read a book, I watched a YouTube video, I'm fired up! This new routine is going to change everything! I'm going to track everything perfectly." (Fueled by intense focus and novelty.)

• The Initial Sprint: "Wow, I did it for three days straight! I’m getting up at 5 AM, drinking green juice, and meditating for an hour. This is the new me!"

• The Inevitable Slip: "I had a super stressful day. I got stuck in a doom scroll. I missed my alarm."

• The Crash and Burn: "Well, I messed up once, so the whole streak is ruined. I clearly don't have the discipline for this. I'm just lazy/broken/incapable. What's the point of trying again?"

• The Result: We abandon the habit entirely, confirming the belief that we are somehow flawed in our ability to be consistent.

Many people struggle with creating lasting habits which get results. This isn't because they lack motivation or capability; it’s because they may not be using proven, strategic methods. The standard advice often falls flat for us, leading to a cycle of trying, failing, and internalizing that failure as a personal flaw. But it’s not!

Common Pitfalls to Successfully Form Habits with ADHD

Did you know there is actually a science behind building healthy habits? There are proven strategies that help people make lasting changes! Before diving into what works, it's helpful to first talk about the common pitfalls people fall into.

There are three common mistakes people make when trying to start a new habit:

1. They never get started! People often research different ways to lose weight or exercise but they never actually start implementing these strategies.

2. Their goals are too challenging or unrealistic. It’s discouraging when you put effort into something that doesn’t feel within your reach. Starting too big is a guaranteed way to burn out quickly.

3. People focus on perfection rather than progress. They discount the changes or progress they have made when they don’t do it perfectly. This "all-or-nothing" thinking makes one slip-up feel like a total failure, leading to abandonment.

If you are a neurodivergent person, you might recognize these pitfalls, and you likely experience a few extra hurdles on top of them.

The Neurodivergent Habit Hurdle: Why We Want to Give Up

For those of us whose brains are wired for complexity, intensity, and novelty, the standard prescription for routine can feel like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Our reasons for wanting to "give up" often stem from unique challenges related to Executive Function and Sensory Regulation.

Here's what that frustration often sounds like and why we face it:

"My brain's on fire!" 🔥 (The Executive Function Load)

For many neurodivergent individuals, especially those with ADHD, the day-to-day management of life already consumes a massive amount of mental energy. This is often described as feeling like your "brain's on fire."

• Initiation is Hard: Just starting a task, even a small one, requires significant mental effort. Introducing a new habit—which demands novelty-seeking focus and effortful planning—is like adding a heavy weight to an already maxed-out mental workload.

• The Planning Paradox: We might spend hours researching the perfect habit-tracking app or the optimal workout routine (pitfall #1), which gives a burst of dopamine (the "I'm doing something" chemical) without actually performing the habit. This is a common trap that keeps us stuck in planning instead of action.

The "All or Nothing" Trap (The Perfectionist Pressure)

It's common for ND individuals to get stuck in the cycle of focusing on perfection rather than progress (pitfall #3). This is often tied to a deep-seated desire for competence and fear of failure, which can be heightened by a lifetime of not meeting typical expectations.

• The Streak Breaker: If we miss one day of a new habit, the internal narrative quickly shifts to: "I failed. I'm not consistent. This entire plan is ruined." We discount all the five or six days we did succeed, and the urge to scrap the whole thing becomes overwhelming.

• The Unrealistic Goal Setter: We often start with goals that are too challenging or unrealistic (pitfall #2) because we believe we should be able to do what others do, or we are driven by an intense passion (hyperfocus) that isn't sustainable long-term.

Boredom and Novelty (The Dopamine Dip)

A neurodivergent brain often craves novelty and stimulation. When we start a new habit, the initial intensity and "newness" can hook us. We feel great!

• The Monotony Wall: Once the initial excitement wears off and the habit becomes monotonous, the dopamine hit disappears. The habit starts to feel like a "slog," and it takes immense willpower to keep going. We feel bored, disconnected, and the urge to find something new—a new hobby, a new passion, a new habit—becomes powerful. This is where many excellent ideas die.

  
  

The Power of Autopilot: Leveling Up Through Rhythms

So, why bother pushing through these challenges? Because habits and rhythms are so important as they help us level up by moving actions from the "I must think about this" zone to the "autopilot" zone. When things become routine, we can do them without needing so much precious brain power. This is an act of empowerment and a practical application of helping others (in this case, your future self).

Think of it this way: the less energy you spend deciding when to put on your shoes for a walk, the more energy you have left for your actual job, connecting with your partner (a core value for my practice is connection), or managing sensory input.

By offloading simple, repetitive tasks to your routine, you free up your Executive Function to focus on complex, high-value tasks that actually require your unique brainpower. This is how we reduce the "brain on fire" sensation.

Finding Your Strategy: Thinking Outside the Box

The key to lasting success isn't forcing yourself into a mold designed for neurotypical brains—it's about finding strategies that work for you. You need to think outside the box rather than trying to do what you think you are "supposed to do." This is about embracing your strengths and showing up authentically.

Understanding common challenges or mistakes to forming habits with ADHD is only the first step. It’s important to use strategies that have been proven to work. The following tips are derived from the science of habit-building but framed specifically for neurodivergent brains!.

1. Start Small—Like, Ridiculously Small

When starting a new habit, set a goal that seems “easy” to accomplish. We need to dismantle the "unrealistic goal" pitfall right away.

• The Five-Minute Rule: A good rule of thumb is to focus on the first step of the long-term goal or practice for less than 5 minutes as a starting point. For example, walk five minutes per day if your long-term goal is to run a 5K.

• The Beauty of the Micro-Habit: Even five minutes feels achievable on a high-fatigue day. Build on your success rather than set yourself up for failure!

2. Pair It Up (Habit Stacking)

It’s much easier to add a new habit to something you already do rather than trying to start something from scratch.

• The Formula: "After [Current Habit], I will [New Micro-Habit]."

• Example: You could walk five minutes per day before your daily hygiene routine if this is something you already do.

3. Make It Easy and Reduce Friction

This is critical for combating the initiation hurdle. You must decrease the number of obstacles which may interfere with your ability to follow through with your habit.

• The Environment Hack: Lay out your workout clothes in a place where you will see them so you don’t have to look for them when it’s time to walk. If you normally walk outside, have a backup plan for when the weather is bad.

4. Track Your Habit (The Dopamine Hook)

Tracking helps transform a boring routine into a satisfying visual game, providing the novelty and dopamine hit many ND brains crave.

• The Visual Streak: Checking something off your list always feels good. Track the amount of time or distance you walked each day and try to keep your streak alive!

• Tracking the Variables: It’s also helpful to track factors that may interfere with follow-through such as bad weather, stress, lack of time, etc.. Once you are aware of what gets in your way, you can figure out what to do about it.

Practical Example: Making a Habit Easy

Let's apply these tips to a common goal: drinking more water.

Habit Tip	Original ND Challenge	Strategy to Make it Easy
Start Small	"I should drink 8 glasses, or I'm failing." (Perfectionism)	Goal: Drink one full 16-ounce glass of water per day.
Pair It Up	I forget the water exists until I'm already thirsty. (Initiation/Memory)	Stack: After I turn off my morning alarm, I will immediately drink my one glass of water.
Make It Easy	I have to get up, find a bottle, and fill it. (Friction)	Environment Hack: Fill the glass or water bottle and place it right next to your alarm or phone the night before.
Track It	It’s boring and I lose motivation quickly. (Boredom/Dopamine Dip)	Visual Streak: Use a marker to write a little checkmark on a sticky note next to the glass after you finish it, or use a sticker on your wall calendar.

This process ensures your brain only has to expend energy on the one minute it takes to drink the pre-poured water, not the entire daunting ritual.

🏆 Celebrate the Small Wins & Give Yourself Grace

The most important thing I can tell you is: Focus on progress, not perfection.

It is inevitable to have problems following through 100% of the time. Life happens. Your focus should be on the progress you have made and getting back on track rather than giving up! Even small changes can make a big difference when you do them consistently!

• Embrace the Slip-Up: A slip-up is just one day. Get started again, even in a small way, immediately.

• Acknowledge Your Effort: Acknowledge and celebrate every step you take. You are navigating a complex world with a complex brain, and any effort is a win.

Your worth is not tied to your productivity or perfection. You are working towards a life that works for you, which is an incredible goal.

If finding the right strategies feels overwhelming, or if past failures have left you feeling hopeless and inadequate, remember that professional help is a powerful tool for growth. Working with a mental health professional can provide the accountability and expertise needed to understand your unique brain wiring, dismantle the perfectionist pressure, and design a life that truly supports your goals. 

If you need support contact, our team at Gateway Behavioral Health Consultants is here to help. Schedule a consultation with a member of our team to find out how our therapy and assessment services can help you move forward in your journey!