When Life Finally Made Sense: My Experience With an ADHD Diagnosis as an Adult

October is ADHD Awareness Month. ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) is a neurodevelopmental condition which is characterized by difficulty with attention, executive dysfunction, hyperactivity and impulsivity. This condition can present differently among people with some people presenting with only inattentive symptoms, some with only hyperactive/impulsive symptoms, but most commonly with a combination of both. 

While ADHD was initially thought to be a condition that only presented in childhood, research is showing that ADHD is a condition that persists throughout the lifespan. Furthermore, Adult ADHD diagnoses are becoming more common, especially in minority populations, such as women and people of color. 

According to research:

• Men are almost twice as likely to be diagnosed in childhood with ADHD compared to women

• Over half of women in the United States who have been diagnosed with ADHD report they received their diagnosis after the age of 18. 

What Happens When Women Seek an ADHD Diagnosis?

There are many reasons why women don't get diagnosed until adulthood, but when they recognize their symptoms and bring it up with their medical provider, their experience isn't always positive. Many women who discuss ADHD with their medical providers have probably heard something like this before: “You can’t have ADHD because…”

• You did well in school

• You’re just anxious/depressed

• You just have too much on your plate

• You aren’t hyperactive

• You are too social 

• You seem like you have everything together

• You weren’t diagnosed as a kid so you can’t have ADHD

While I wish I could say this is an exhaustive list, unfortunately it only scratches the surface. The reasons women, even other medical professionals, have told them they can’t have ADHD or Autism are often deeply flawed and honestly outright harmful. As a psychologist who specializes in working with neurodivergent women, I am not surprised but still deeply saddened when I hear women share these stories with me. As someone who was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, I feel their pain and know in my bones how horrible this experience is.

My Experience Is Very Similar

For most of my life, I always felt a little different and struggled to understand why things seemed to be so challenging all the time. In elementary school, sports helped manage my energy, and I was smart enough to get by without trying too hard. But things changed in middle school when a chronic medical condition ended my sports participation. My ADHD symptoms, along with anxiety and depression, took over.⁣⁣

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Throughout adolescence and young adulthood, I struggled. 

• My grades didn't reflect my abilities

• Hyperactivity and impulsivity led to risky behaviors 

• In grad school and early in my career, I worked twice as hard just to keep up

• The chronic exhaustion from basic tasks left me with no time for anything else 

• The anxiety was crippling

• I felt different but couldn’t explain why

• I felt like a fraud because no one knew how much effort it took just to stay afloat

I decided to leave my full-time job and start a practice because I desperately needed something different. Although I had been doing primarily psychological evaluations for children, adults started presenting to my clinic for ADHD and autism evaluations. I realized I needed to learn a little bit more about how these conditions present differently in adults than in children, so I was better equipped to handle these evaluations and support my clients. 

As I was diving into the research and literature, I had my “aha!” moment. The findings coming out in the research were capturing everything I had experienced throughout my life. It immediately became my next hyperfocus. I dug through anything and everything I could find in research, books, podcasts, websites…you name it. 

The Challenge of Actually Getting an ADHD Diagnosis

Many of the women who present to my clinic for evaluations have an experience that, unfortunately, isn't unique and in reality is fairly common. When they bring up the idea of having ADHD to their medical providers, they often get dismissed and provided a list of reasons why this diagnosis doesn't make sense. 

I also had a similar experience. Despite being in weekly individual therapy for over two years at that point, not once had my therapist ever suggested or hinted that I might have ADHD. I'd had numerous professors and colleagues, who were also licensed psychologists, comment on my anxiety. But they never once mentioned they thought I could be neurodivergent. 

I knew in my heart that it was more than just anxiety. I had been taking medication for my anxiety for over five years and been in weekly therapy sessions for almost three years at this point, with only moderate success, at the time. I knew I had to have this conversation with my psychiatrist.

Armed with all the knowledge and research I had done, I approached my psychiatrist about this possibility. She initially dismissed my concerns, attributing it to my anxiety, which made me question if it was all just in my head. I left that appointment spinning and continuing to struggle. 

At my next appointment, I brought it up again because I refused to continue to suffer. I laid out all of the reasons I thought it was ADHD, including: 

• The limited success with treating anxiety

• The research on how ADHD presents in women

• Compensation strategies I used on a daily basis

• The physical exhaustion of doing basic tasks

• Challenges I’d had throughout school and work

• My history of risky and compulsive behaviors

• My family history

She finally agreed to do some basic assessments and a more intensive interview to see if this was a possibility. After getting information from my family and spending time with me for about an hour going over everything, I was not surprised when she agreed that I had ADHD.

What An ADHD Diagnosis Meant to Me

Getting a diagnosis of ADHD was powerful, AND it didn't change everything. Here's what it did do:

• It gave me a framework to better understand things I had been experiencing my entire life

• It reduced the shame I had about things the way I went about things in my life or things in my past

• I started using a different set of tools and strategies that were meant for neurodivergent brains and stopped focusing on trying to solely manage my anxiety

• Equipped with more knowledge about ADHD, I advocated for myself in ways that I had never done before. 

• I started embracing the parts of my ADHD that are amazing and really help me to be successful in different areas of my life. 

The Start of a New Journey

Honestly, my diagnosis of ADHD was just the start of a new journey for myself. Things didn't change overnight. Like many people who received this diagnosis as an adult, there was a period of grief. I wondered why it had taken so long to get a diagnosis. I questioned if things could have been different if I had been diagnosed earlier in life. While this is a natural reaction to any type of diagnosis, I didn't want to stay stuck there. 

Everyone's journey is different. You need to find what works for you. Here are 10 things that I've found helpful for myself and others as they start navigating this journey:

1. Educate yourself about ADHD and neurodiversity in women. This is going to improve your knowledge, self-understanding, and ability to advocate for yourself! 

2. Find a good therapist or coach who specializes in ADHD. 

3. Find specific strategies that are meant for neurodivergent brains to help you in areas where you have challenges. Stop trying to do things the way you think you're “supposed to do them.” 

4. Ask for help when you need it. You don't have to do this alone. 

5. Give yourself grace and allow yourself to rest. Your battery drains faster than other people, and you need it to show up as the best version of yourself!

6. Find people in safe places where you don't have to mask. 

7. Setting boundaries is absolutely necessary. No is a complete sentence. 

8. Embrace the parts of your ADHD that make you incredible! 

9. Take things one step at a time. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Every step matters. 

10. Find other neurodivergent women to do life with. Trust me, it helps. 

What If I Suspect ADHD? 

If you or someone close to you believes they may have ADHD, trust your gut. Even if you've been diagnosed with other mental health conditions or told you don't have ADHD, it's still worth getting checked out by someone who specializes in this area. 

ADHD often presents with other mental health conditions, including

• Anxiety 

• Depression 

• Trauma

• Substance abuse 

• Eating disorders

Having a psychological evaluation to obtain an accurate diagnosis is a crucial step in your healing process. Like myself and so many other women, it is not uncommon to receive treatment that isn't addressing the underlying issue and therefore will not be as effective. 

If you are interested in exploring an ADHD diagnosis, contact the team at Gateway Behavior Health Consultants today.