The Hidden Stress of the Holidays: When “Joyful” Feels Draining

The holidays are often marketed as the “most wonderful time of the year.” We’re surrounded by images of cozy gatherings, sparkling lights, and smiling families around the dinner table. But for many people, the holiday season brings not just joy, but also a heavy dose of stress and anxiety. Between travel, finances, social expectations, and family dynamics, the pressure can pile up quickly. Let’s not forget the actual day of stressors either. Trying to juggle being in multiple places in one day doesn’t make for a joyful holiday.

On paper, it sounds doable. You start with brunch at your parents’ house, swing by your in-laws for an afternoon gift exchange, and then head over to a friend’s holiday party in the evening. But in reality, this schedule is a recipe for exhaustion. Instead of feeling connected and grounded, you often feel rushed, scattered, and drained. And when this cycle repeats over several days or weeks, it can take a serious toll on your mental health.

The Strain of “Being Everywhere”

The expectation to show up for everyone can create a pressure cooker of emotions. There’s often an underlying fear of disappointing others, so we agree to do more than we realistically can handle. The result? A day (or sometimes several days in a row) filled with constant transitions, limited downtime, and very little room for genuine presence.

It’s not uncommon to spend more energy worrying about logistics than enjoying the moment. You might find yourself calculating drive times in your head during dessert or checking your phone to see if you’re late for the next gathering. The sense of being rushed from one event to another makes it hard to actually settle in and connect with the people around you.

And then there’s the physical toll. All-day holiday marathons often mean irregular eating, little rest, and too much caffeine just to stay alert. Add in alcohol, late nights, or long drives, and it’s no wonder so many people end the holidays feeling depleted instead of refreshed.

The Emotional Weight of Holiday Stress

The holidays can also stir up complex emotions. Being in multiple family settings in a short period of time can bring up old conflicts, strained relationships, or feelings of comparison. It’s emotionally taxing to switch between different “versions” of yourself depending on the environment.

There’s also the guilt factor. If you say no to one event, you may feel like you’re letting people down. If you say yes to everything, you end up letting yourself down by sacrificing rest, boundaries, and mental health. This push-and-pull leaves many people walking into January feeling drained, irritable, and anxious—hardly the reset most of us hope for in the new year.

Signs Holiday Stress Is Becoming Too Much

Holiday stress often creeps up quietly, but it’s important to notice when it crosses the line into overwhelm. Some common signs include:

• Feeling constantly on edge or irritable.

• Trouble sleeping, even when you’re exhausted.

• Tension headaches, stomach issues, or fatigue.

• Avoidance (wanting to cancel everything because it feels too much).

• Racing thoughts or constant worry about schedules, gifts, or interactions.

If any of this sounds familiar, it may be time to slow down and put some coping strategies into place.

Coping Skills for Holiday Stress and Anxiety

Here are a few practical ways to navigate the stress of being pulled in multiple directions during the holidays:

1. Set Boundaries Ahead of Time

Before the season begins, look at your schedule realistically. Decide which events matter most and which you may need to decline. It’s okay to tell family or friends, “I can’t make it that day, but I’d love to see you another time.” Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out—they’re about protecting your well-being so you can show up fully when you do attend.

2. Prioritize Presence Over Perfection

It’s easy to get caught up in trying to do everything “just right”—arrive on time, bring the perfect gift, and stay long enough at each event. Instead, shift the focus to quality over quantity. Even if you can only stay at one gathering for an hour, being present and engaged during that time is more valuable than stretching yourself thin.

3. Schedule Downtime

Treat rest like an actual appointment. Block off time before or after big gatherings to recharge—whether that’s taking a walk, reading, or simply sitting in silence. Downtime helps your nervous system reset so you’re not carrying one stressful interaction into the next.

4. Use Grounding Techniques

When anxiety spikes—like when you’re running late or anticipating family conflict—grounding techniques can help bring you back to the present moment. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 technique: name five things you see, four things you feel, three things you hear, two things you smell, and one thing you taste. Slow breathing also works wonders: inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four, and pause for four.

5. Simplify Where You Can

If cooking an elaborate dish adds stress, bring something simple. If shopping for dozens of gifts overwhelms you, suggest a gift exchange or homemade options. Simplifying tasks helps conserve energy for what truly matters—connection.

6. Communicate Honestly

It’s tempting to push through stress silently, but letting others know where you’re at can ease the burden. Saying, “I’d love to come, but I need to leave by 6:00” sets expectations and prevents misunderstandings. Most people are more understanding than we imagine.

7. Give Yourself Permission to Say No

This may be the hardest, but it’s also the most freeing. Saying no doesn’t make you unkind or ungrateful—it makes you human. Remember, every yes is also a no to something else (often your own rest or mental health). Give yourself permission to choose wisely.

Reframing the Holidays

It’s worth remembering that the holidays don’t have to look like a scene from a commercial to be meaningful. Sometimes the most memorable moments come from the quieter, slower experiences—sharing a meal with a small group, taking a walk to look at lights, or enjoying a holiday movie night in pajamas.

When we let go of the pressure to be everywhere at once, we create space for more genuine connection. That’s what the holidays are really about—not a checklist of obligations, but time spent with people who matter in ways that feel sustainable and true to you.

Give Yourself the Gift of Peace: Your Next Step

We know that during the holidays, the pressure to be "on" and perfectly present often conflicts with the reality of feeling stretched thin and emotionally drained. If the thought of juggling family gatherings, high expectations, and your own mental health feels overwhelming, you don't have to navigate it alone.

If you find that setting boundaries and practicing coping strategies just isn't cutting it—if the stress has tipped into genuine exhaustion or distress—it may be time for more dedicated support. You deserve to move through this season with genuine connection and calm. We offer individual therapy to help you work through anxiety, depression, and trauma which can help you experience more peace this holiday season. 

Don't let this holiday season leave you overloaded and burned out. Choose to invest in the version of you that is truly present and empowered.

Ready to start the conversation and ensure you have the support you need? Contact us today to learn more about how we can help you thrive, not just survive, the holidays.