Tips for Neurodivergent Students and Families for Easier Back to School Transitions

Although summer is a great time to unwind, go on vacations, and have fun, it is important for families with kids who are neurodivergent to find ways to make the back to school transition easier. Here are some tips for neurodivergent students and their families as they explore moving from the less structured schedules of summer to a more typical school day.

Why Summer is Great for Neurodiverse Families

Summer is a weird time for parents and their children. Whether your kids are at home or going to camp this summer, it just doesn’t look the same as the typical school year. I’m all about having fun in the summer - pools, spending time exploring the city, spending time with friends and family, vacations, etc. Enjoying the summer is important for kids to give them an opportunity to play. This is essential in improving their emotional regulation and social skills. It’s also nice to have a break from regular routines to relax and recharge before the next school year begins. 

However, kids (and parents) often have strong emotional reactions in the weeks leading up to the beginning of the school year. This transition can be even more challenging if you or your child is neurodivergent. 

As a parent myself, there is so much to think about from making sure everyone has the supplies they need, arranging before/after care, adjusting schedules for pickup and drop off, and getting everyone out the door in the morning on time. After school there isn’t much time to squeeze everything in before you go to bed and do it all over again the next day. Kids often have a lot of worries and questions about going back to school. They might be excited to see their friends but maybe nervous too. Plus it means the fun of summer is going to end and the work of school is going to start. That’s a lot for a child or a teen to process on their own! 

What Does Neurodivergent Mean?

Being neurodivergent by definition means you learn and process information differently than what is considered “typical” due structure brain differences. This term refers to a variety of different mental health conditions, such as Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, Learning Disorders (e.g. Dyslexia), and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Tourette’s Disorder. These differences are traits in their personalities rather than flaws or problems that need to be fixed.

Why Does Being Neurodivergent Make Transitions Hard?

For children who are neurodivergent there are many different factors which may make the back to school transition difficult including: 

• Increased demands and structure: Although kids thrive on structure, the demands placed on them to get back into a normal routine require significant effort which can leave them feeling exhausted

• Anxiety and fear of the unknown: A new school year may mean more separation from parents, adjusting to new teachers and peers, and questions about new routines

• Academic pressure: School requires more effort for neurodivergent children especially if they have learning differences or executive functioning challenges which can trigger fear of failure, perfectionism, and anxiety about keeping up.

• Sensory overload: Schools are filled with sensory stimuli which can be overwhelming for neurodivergent students - noisy hallways, bright lights, smells, crowded classrooms. Even the thought of navigating these situations can lead to anxiety.

• Feeling misunderstood: For students who are aware of their differences or have experienced bullying in the past, there may be significant anxiety about not being accepted or perceived negatively by their peers

How Can I Help Make the Back to School Transition Easier for My Child?

No one wants the transition back to school to be difficult. The last thing you want as a parent is to see your child struggle or for every little thing to be a battle. Your child also wants to feel confident and successful as they transition back to school. This doesn’t just happen though. It takes time and preparation. Even though it might feel a little early. Now is the perfect time to start getting things organized to start school on the right foot. Here are four things you can start to work on to make the adjustment easier for everyone involved. 

1. Get Yourself in the Right Headspace and Organized

Parents, the very first thing you need to do is get yourself in a good space mentally! You are the best resource your child has available to them. Before you start doing any preparation with your child, take some time to make sure you are in a good space to do this. Consider what you will need to make this school year successful for you as a parent by asking yourself some of the following questions:

• What emotions am I experiencing most frequently during the school year, and what might be triggering them?

• What small joys or positive moments can I intentionally seek out each day to balance the stress?

• What is one small thing I can do each day that would make me feel a little more calm or organized?

• Who in my support system (partner, friends, family, co-parents) can I lean on more consistently?

• Am I saying "yes" to too many commitments (school, extracurricular, social) that are draining my energy?

Once you have some answers to the questions, start implementing small strategies to improve your stress levels to get yourself in a better place before the stress of the school year begins. It’s hard to implement too many changes at one time so start small and build on your success. 

Next get your ducks in a row. Take some time to figure out the logistics - pickup/drop off, before or after care, adding days off to your work calendar, planning for sick or snow days, etc. When you are more prepared it helps you confidently put a plan together for your kids. 

2. Preparing Your Kids Early Is Crucial! 

Slowly easing back into the school schedule and helping prepare your kids for the start of the year is one of the most important things you can do to make this transition more successful! There are a lot of little things you can do and it really makes a big difference. 

First work on establishing the routines you want to implement over the course of a few weeks. Give your child's system time to adjust and address any big behaviors when there is less pressure.

• Sleep Schedules: Begin a gradual shift (10-15 minutes earlier each day) to school bedtime and wake-up times weeks in advance. Consistent sleep is paramount for emotional regulation; it helps sensitive children manage their feelings and react more calmly to daily stressors.

• Morning/Evening Routines: Practice laying clothes out the night before, getting ready, packing lunches, and organizing backpacks. Creating visual schedules can be incredibly helpful. These provide a predictable structure and reduce anxiety about what comes next.

• Designated Spaces: Set up a homework area that's free from distractions. Also, consider creating a quiet, calming corner in your home—a safe haven where they can decompress after a long day.

  
  

Many schools send out a back to school supply list and host meet the teacher nights. If you can make this fun! Take your kids with you to shop for supplies and give them some choice in materials. You may want to do some of it yourself and allow them to choose certain items. Empower them to pick out calming tools like fidgets, quiet activities for downtime, or even a comfort item they can keep in their backpack.

If you can, take your child to meet their teachers, walk the halls, find their locker, locate classrooms, and identify restrooms. The specific activities will depend on their age and grade but knowing the physical layout and seeing the space beforehand can significantly reduce apprehension.

3. Talk With Them About Their Concerns

If you have a neurodivergent child, it’s no surprise to you that they often have big feelings! Your child needs to know their feelings are valid, no matter how big or small. Depending on your child, you may need to have a conversation while playing a game or doing another activity to help them feel more comfortable. It may even be beneficial to address this topic over the course of several days to help them talk through their feelings over time. Here are a few suggestions on having this conversation with your child: 

• Active Listening: Validate their feelings, even if they seem irrational to you. Try phrases like, "I hear you're worried about..."

• Open-ended Questions: Encourage deeper conversations with questions like, "What are you most excited about?" or "What are you most nervous about?"

• Avoid Minimizing: Don't dismiss their fears with "You'll be fine!" Instead, acknowledge their fear and then work together to problem-solve.

• Empathy and Normalization: Reassure them by saying, "Lots of kids feel this way when school starts. It's totally normal to have big feelings about big changes."

• Address Specific Worries: Problem solving and finding solutions where possible to specific concerns may help your child feel more confident tackling challenges they struggle with. For example, role play introducing themselves to a peer or asking the teacher for help. Address their concerns about their academic performance and how you will handle balancing homework with extra-curricular activities. 

4. Develop Strategies for Success

Equipping your child with the tools they need to be successful promotes independence and improves their overall mental health. For your child teach them skills to manage their own emotions: 

• Breathing Techniques: Practice simple techniques like deep breathing or box breathing together. These can be used discreetly in the classroom.

• Mindfulness Moments: Introduce quick exercises like body scans or noticing "5 things" (5 things they can see, 4 they can hear, 3 they can feel, 2 they can smell, 1 they can taste).

• Calming Kit: Assemble a small bag with sensory items (a stress ball, a small toy, a smooth stone) they can use to self-regulate when feeling overwhelmed.

• Safe Person at School: Help them identify a teacher, counselor, or staff member they can talk to if they feel overwhelmed or need help.

5. Offering Ongoing Support and Making Adjustments

It's smart to think of the back-to-school journey as an ongoing process, not just a one-time event. Things like setting up a post-school debrief can make a huge difference. Imagine your child coming home, dropping their backpack, and instead of immediately hitting them with questions, you offer a snack and some quiet time to decompress. After they've had a chance to unwind, you can gently ask open-ended questions like, "What was one good thing today?" or "What was one tricky thing?" The goal here isn't to immediately jump into problem-solving, but to simply listen more than you talk. Sometimes, all they need is to feel heard and understood.

Remember, flexibility and patience are your best friends during this time.

Adjustments take time, and it's completely normal to have both good days and challenging days. When those good moments happen, no matter how small, make sure to celebrate small wins. Acknowledging their efforts and successes, even if it's just for making it through the day, can build their confidence. And while you're pouring all this energy into supporting your child, don't forget about self-care for parents. You can't pour from an empty cup, so think about what you need to recharge. Prioritizing your own well-being will make you an even more effective and supportive presence for your child.

When to Seek Additional Help: Tips for Neurodivergent Students and Families

It's a sign of strength to know when to ask for professional support.

Sometimes, despite all your best efforts, your child might still be struggling significantly. It's crucial to recognize the signs that strategies aren't enough or difficulties are persisting.

Recognizing the Signs Help is Needed

Look for consistent patterns that go beyond typical adjustment:

• Significant changes in behavior: Persistent sadness, withdrawal from activities, increased aggression, or severe mood swings.

• Loss of interest: No longer enjoying previously loved hobbies or activities, a general lack of engagement.

• Physical symptoms: Frequent headaches, stomachaches, or changes in sleep or appetite that aren't linked to a medical illness.

• Academic decline: A sudden and sustained drop in grades, or a refusal to go to school.

• Social struggles: Extreme difficulty making or keeping friends, or severe social anxiety that leads to isolation.

• Intense or prolonged emotional outbursts: More frequent, longer, or more severe than usual.

• Regression: Returning to earlier behaviors (like bedwetting or thumb-sucking) when they had previously stopped.

Who Can Help Your Neurodivergent Student

Don't hesitate to reach out to these resources:

• School Resources: Start with the school psychologist, counselor, or social worker. They are often excellent first points of contact.

• Pediatrician: Your child's doctor can rule out any medical causes for symptoms and provide referrals to specialists.

• Child Therapist/Psychologist: For specialized support in emotional regulation, anxiety, or behavioral challenges. You may even consider a psychological assessment for ADHD, learning disorders, or Autism.

At Gateway Behavioral Health Consultants, we offer a number of services for neurodivergent children and teens to help them succeed both academically and in other areas of their lives. If you are a parent who needs more support during this transition, we can help too! To find out more information about our services contact our office or call us today (314-325-2685).